*Lyrics from Goodbye My Love by Emilie Mover from her album Mighty Time. I like this song. I even liked the whole album when I spotify‘d it. But I wanted to choose a song that I wouldn’t hear on a regular basis to reveal this bit news. I made the mistake of choosing a song I loved for my post about losing Bec, and I still can’t hear the song without crying. So, sorry, Ms. Mover, I don’t think I’ll be frequenting this song, beautiful it may be.
So, recently I’ve been dealing with a slow, but painful transition. Maybe it’s a mid-life crisis, maybe it’s just par for the course when you set out to reinvent your life, maybe it’s a symptom of accepting that your parents (and yourself, thusly) are aging, and we won’t all live forever. Anyway, no matter how you slice it, I’ve been blue. I’ve been sad, and I’ve been just muddling through.
Now, there is good news coming, so don’t fret, but it is bittersweet good news. We sold our house. Perhaps I should have written that like this: WE SOLD OUR HOUSE! We are currently under contract, and, barring crazy circumstances, it looks as if we’re going to actually close this sale, and finally move on from this stage in our life. So, even though we adore the new owners (neighbors of ours who just happened by on a walk on one of those first few warm spring days), we are (I am) so sad to let go of the house.
Letting go is the theme for me this year. I’ve had to let go of a relationship with a member of my family that wasn’t working, that felt abusive and painful. I’ve had to let go of my dream of fixing up my mom’s condo to a place that would be her dream home (and a personal design gem) – we can’t afford it, and frankly, she needs to be able to put her own stamp on the place. The design scheme was my jam, not hers, and I have to let it go. I’m having to let go of the house, and me as the (self-perceived) center of our family. I’m having to let go of the fact that we probably aren’t all going to do family holidays anymore, that our family is spreading apart, and that emotionally it might be for the best for everyone. Letting go is hard, but it always makes room for something new to take its place. Which is a good thing.
So, while we are blue, ok mostly it’s just me (Jeff is excited), we are also looking toward the horizon for new things. I’m working on Project W, I’ve designed a new kitchen/bath scheme for some clients who became friends, and I’m learning new software to help make myself more employable in the future. My future looks bright, and I am grateful for every inch of what I have. But, I am also going to miss this place, this time in my life, this moment in my family (before things turned sour), and this fulfillment of my own childhood dream to have a house to call a home. The brightest spot about that is that we’re leaving the house in great hands, who will love it and care for it like we did, who will have babies and doggies running around for years to come. And that makes me eternally happy.